Feeble Fables and Funny Fairy Tales
by Tee-bone
Summary: these are just some funny fables and fairy tales. dear friends, the animals in the stories are all of us try and guess who you are. also do not be offended by the way your character acts or what your character is. you can skip around but you MUST read the amazing race or you will miss out on some hillarious stuff. enjoy! please read and REVIEW! thanks - Tee
1. The Amazing Race

A little bunny sat around with her other friends when she had a great idea. "Hey guys! Why don't we have an amazing race Like the tortoise and the hare!?" She asked them. The other animals nodded in agreement so they set of to map out their route. After a couple of days everything was ready and all their other friends gathered around to watch. The contestants would be - the bunny, the bull, the snake, the tiger, Yoshi, the cat, the duck and the otter. The lined up at the starting line and when the pistol sounded they flew off. At first the bull, the tiger and Yoshi were close at the lead with the bunny and the otter close behind closely followed by the cat who was closely followed by the duck and the snake. Then suddenly back at the leading group Yoshi and a mental breakdown and tripped up the bull and the tiger then the bunny, the otter and the cat took the lead. Soon the bunny who needed to work out started to slow from tiredness. The next thing she knew the bull and the tiger had trampled Yoshi, the cat and the otter and were now on her tail. Then she heard a noise the duck was now flying and started pecking on the tigers head meanwhile the snake jumped off the duck onto the bull. That made the bull tired so they all stopped realizing they were letting the race come between them and they were hurting each other for no good reason. So they all stopped and said they were sorry to each other. Then Yoshi screamed and ran across the finish line. "Yes! I won!" It shouted then Yoshi exploded. The other animals stared blankly Into space where their friend Yoshi had been standing. Then the duck broke the silence. "Yoshi so cheated." Then she walked off leaving the other animals to clean up the mess. When they had finished they all sat down next to a little pond when the snake spoke up. "Hey guys! I have a great idea!" "Shut up!" All the other animals shouted at the snake then they went home. The End.


	2. Harvey and Gladys

This is the story of Harvey and Gladys. some people say this story's the saddest. On a peculiar day someplace far away. There lived a guy and he was shy. His name was Harvey and his sister was Gladys. (I'll stop rhyming now, it's annoying.) They were walking through the woods one day when Gladys spotted a strange-looking house. "Look Harvey!" She said in her Dutch accent. "A strange house! Lets go take a closer look!" Gladys tried to get Harvey to skip over to the house but he just wouldn't cooperate. When they finally reached the house Gladys jumped with joy. "I bet it's one of those candy houses!" She stuck out her tongue hungrily and ran at the house and smacked right through the wall. She lay on the floor of the inside of the house. "This tastes like paper." She said sitting up. "I knew it was too good to be true!" She said grumpily spitting the paper of the wall out of her mouth. Then a little creature that looked like a toad ran in. "Aghhhhhh!" He screamed. "MY HOUSE!" Then the toad fainted. "Great job Gladys!" Harvey shouted. "I hope you've been saving up your money because I'm not paying for the repairs or the hospital bill!" He stormed back through the wall. But he quickly returned screaming. A witch koopa on a chokingly smelly cinnamon broomstick came flying through the wall. "Haha my little dears it's lunch time!" The turtle thing cackled chasing Harvey and Gladys around the small room made of paper. Then they ran out of the hole back to their little cabin. They sat in the living room panting relieved that the witch wasn't chasing them. When *poof!* a Yoshi appeared out of nowhere. They screamed, the Yoshi screamed and ran in circles then it exploded and they never saw it again. From that day forward they never left the house and Gladys developed a fear of paper. The End.


	3. Little Blue Bucket Head

(Little Red Riding Hood)

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There once was a girl who thought she was so ugly that she wouldn't allow anyone to see her face. So she always wore a blue bucket on her head so everyone called her little blue bucket head. After a few years went by she grew tired of everyone making fun of her even her own mother called her little blue bucket head. So she decided she would run away to her long-lost grandmother's house. So when her mother fell asleep she sneaked out of her house and started down the road. But she soon grew weary so she stopped and rested. The next day she started off again feeling fresh. Sometime around noon she heard a strange noise. Then around the corner a group of animals came pelting down the road acting like ... well... animals. She dived to the side of the road to avoid being trampled by a bull and a tiger. Once they were gone and she was sure there were no more she sat up, brushed off her pants, straightened her little blue bucket and set off again. When she had been walking almost all day she thought about how rude she was being. She didn't even bring anything to give her grandmother she couldn't just show up. So she stopped at a convenience store, which was true. She finally decided on ice cream but unfortunately it was only in a bucket and she just couldn't stand that so she bought a basket and put the ice cream in there. She left the store wearing her little blue bucket and carrying her basket of ice cream. Again she set off down the road not realizing that the ice cream was dripping out of the holes in the basket. Still not really sure where exactly where she was going she stopped at a house that looked grandma-y. So she stopped and knocked on the door, an old woman answered the door. The woman said something in French so little blue bucket head didn't understand a word she said but little blue bucket head didn't care. She hugged the woman, handed her the soggy basket and walked into the old lady's house. The lady followed little blue bucket head into her house looking confused. Then the old lady's face grew red and she started shouting and waving her arms around. Little blue bucket head became frightened, then the old lady kicked her out. That obviously wasn't her grandmother so she continued walking down the road. But then she remembered that she had given her present to the old angry French lady so now she had nothing for her real grandmother. She paused to think about her predicament when she had an idea. She would just go pick some berries. So she walked into the forest to look for some Berry bushes she started picking right away trying to hold them in her shirt, which wasn't working very well. When all of a sudden *poof!* a Yoshi appeared out of nowhere. It started chasing her around the berry Bush. "Yoshi hungrrrrrrrrrrry!" It shouted chasing chomping at her heals. So she just kept running the Yoshi still chasing her When she reached a small cottage. She ran in the door shutting it quickly. "Who's there?" An old feeble voice called from somewhere. Little blue bucket head walked through the house and walked into a small bedroom the berries slightly smushed but still being held in her shirt. She walked up to the bed where someone was laying in it but when she opened her mouth to speak the Yoshi jumped out of the bed. "Yoshi hungrrrrry!" It started chasing her again she screamed, it screamed, then Yoshi exploded and was gone. But little blue bucket head's shirt had gotten torn and the berries were scattered on the floor she felt like crying. She gathered the berries into a pile but now she had nothing to hold them in. A tear fell down her cheek then she remembered her bucket. But she just couldn't take it off she was too ugly. But it was her grandmother and she loved her so she took off the little blue bucket and put the berries inside. She walked out of the bedroom to find her grandmother but when she passed the hall mirror she looked In It to see a beautiful curly haired blond. She wasn't ugly she was gorgeous! She looked like princess Aurora or something! Then an old lady came walking down the hall with her walker. "My dear you're alive!" the old lady shed her walker and hugged little blue bucket head. "When that mean old witch captured you I thought I'd never see you again!" Her grandmother wept with joy. Then little blue bucket head heard an awful shriek and the lady who claimed to be her mother came at them but when little blue bucket head looked at her she turned to gold. "Yahoo! Now we'll be rich!" A man appeared out of nowhere. "This is Charles dear. You two are betrothed." The grandmother said happily. "Hold on," everything was happening so quickly. Little blue bucket head thought. "Ah, who cares it's just a fairy tale." She decided. The next day little blue bucket head and Charles the wood chopper where married and they lived happily ever after for awhile. because it turns out Charles had a gambling problem and the had sold her "mother" and gone to Las Vegas for their honeymoon where they are still living on The street trying to get enough money to get back home. The End


	4. The Tiger's Pillow

(The Dog's Shadow)

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One day the bunny, the tiger, the bull and the snake decided they would have a sleep over. So they went home to each of their houses, packed their stuff and met up at the bunny's house. They played some games and they ate piazza and stuff but soon they all became tired. So they rolled out their sleeping bags and grabbed their pillows then they laid down and went to sleep, everyone is that is except the tiger. The tiger who was laying next to the bunny saw that the bunny's pillow was way bigger then her own. She became angry and tossed her pillow aside but doing so it smacked the bull in the face. The bull woke with a start threw the pillow back at the tiger in anger, she was trying to sleep for Pete's sake! But the tiger ducked so it hit the bunny she laughed and started whacking the snake repeatedly. Then the snake started crying so the bunny threw it back at the tiger. But the tiger still angry about her pillow being smaller threw her own pillow out the window and grabbed the bunny's pillow. Then she realized that the bunny's pillow was actually smaller than her own but just looked so big with the small bunny laying on it. She grew sad and went home. So the morale of the story dear children is this - don't be selfish, in the end you will be sad and the snake will always cry. The End.

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hey everybody let me know if you have a fable or fairy tale that you want me to do because... well... i need some more ideas. thanks! :)


	5. So White and the Seven Doors

(Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)

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There once was a girl whose skin was so pale that everyone called her So White. One day when she was walking through the woods she came to a cottage she had never seen before and it had seven front doors. She looked at it curiously as she approached trying to decide which door to knock on when she realized they had names carved on them - Creaky, Oak, Chip, Woody, Grainy, Splinter and Nutty. She started to just open one randomly when faces appeared on all the wood. "Hey open me!" "No open me!" "Why is your skin so white?" "Shut up! Don't listen to them open me!" they all yelled and shouted at her except for Nutty who never learned how. she became angry and ran off but she soon returned, HOLDING AN AX! And like an expert wood chopper, she whacked down all the doors except Nutty. then she threw aside the ax and proceeded to open Nutty's door but she couldn't because he didn't have a door knob or anything because... well ... he was nutty. So she turned around in a huff and went home. The End.


	6. Bansgunzel

There once was a tigress who had a very long tail and when I say long I mean like 35 feet. Her parents felt ashamed so they hid her away in a tall tower in the woods and no one knew that the tigress existed until one odd day. A young tiger who was the son of the cousin whose uncle was king of the jungle. Well this young tiger had heard rumours pf a beautiful tigress locked in a tower waiting for a handsome prince to come save her. "I'm close enough." so he set off to find her and then he would ask her hand in marriage. when he finally came to the tower he heard a tiger yelling up to the window at the top of the tower. "Bansgunzel! Bansgunzel! Let down your nonconformity!" And a long orange and black striped "rope" dropped out of the window, well at least that's what he thought it was. He tried to sneak up to the tower when he heard. "Ow!... OW! why don't you lose some weight you lazy bum?!" the tigress shouted. _could that really be the beautiful tigress? _he wondered as he grabbed the "rope" and started climbing. (In case you hadn't realized by now this young tiger is a loser and his"friends" sent him on this "quest" to get rid of him.) When he reached the top of the tower and climbed in the window his eyes widened at the what he thought was the beautiful sight of the tigress. It turns out that this young tiger is actually mostly blind so Bansgunzel took that opportunity to marry the sucker. So they soon were married and lived alone in their tower. (And yes her dad named her and he happened to be drunk at the time.) The End.


	7. The Three Little Wigs

There once were three little pigs but they had grown old and the first little pig realized that he and his two brothers were balding. He became worried and told his brothers. "Hey guys, have you noticed the lack of hair on our chinny chin chins?" The other two brothers looked at each other then they lowered their gazes to each others chins then looked at the first brother confusedly. "No you morons! I meant your heads!" The first brother shouted angrily. "Oh..." the other brothers said in unison. "So what do we do about it?" The second brother asked. "Don't worry I already thought of something." The first pig said smiling. The third pig (who we all know is the smartest) looked doubtfully at his brother. "And what may I ask is this plan?" The third pig said raising an eyebrow. "Well I have concluded that there is only one reasonable solution ... we must make some wigs!" He said proudly, the other two brothers just stared.  
Then the second brother jumped up. "Well, lets get to work!" The first pig smiled at the third pig as the first two brothers walked off to make their wigs.  
So the story went like this - the first little pig made his wig out of yarn, the second little pig made his wig out of pine straw, meanwhile the third little pig rolled his eyes and just wore a hat. But then the wolf overheard the three little pigs talking and ever since that fateful day when the bricks just wouldn't fall and he was evermore renounced to a loser he had been trying to seek revenge. He decided that he would publicly embarrass the pigs by blowing the wigs off their little piggy heads! "Muh ha ha ha ha!" The wolf laughed evilly. Then he heard the lock on the front door turn so he jumped behind a tree close by. The door opened and the first little pig wearing his wig made of yarn walked out followed by the second little pig wearing his wig made of pine straw and finally the third little pig wearing his hat. They climbed in their cars and started down the road to go to town. "Perfect!" Hissed the wolf. The first pig was in his car made of wood, the second pig was in his car made of Nerf and the third pig in his normal metal car. The wolf jogged down the road trying to keep up without being seen his old bones starting to ache. He finally reached the pigs when they were coming out of the grocery store. The three pigs' eyes widened. "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll, *cough* *cough* blow your wigs off!" There was silence then the nearby people began to laugh and point at the wolf. He growled and charged toward the three pigs, they squealed and jumped in their cars. The wolf blew the first little pigs car which was made of wood and it crumbled. So the first little pig jumped in the second pigs car made of Nerf. Then the wolf huffed and puffed and blew the second pigs car which flew up in the air the two pigs inside screaming. They fell out and landed in the third pigs car but then the third little pig slammed on the brakes. "Do you two think you can just live off of me your whole lives?! Well forget it!" The third pig then threw his two brothers out of the car and sped off to his house. They stood beside the road speechless when they heard a growl, the wolf was still in hot pursuit. The started running down the road when a red convertible stopped in front of the wolf. It was an older she-wolf. "What are you doing?!" She yelled jumping out of the car and whacking the wolf on the head with her purse. "You were supposed to be home in time for supper and instead you're acting like a nincompoop, which you are! Now get in the car!" She yelled slapping him and opening the door. "Yes mama..." he said climbing in the back seat and the both drove away. "Whew! That was a close one!" The second little pig said. "Yeah." Said the first little pig, still shocked and out of breath. "Hey, but uh... where are we gonna live now?" The second pig asked. "Uh... well... we just build our own house I suggest using sticks." The first pig said. "Are you kidding?! We should totally build it out of straw!" The second pig retorted. "Well fine! Be a Morin! Build your own house! But my house, is going to be made of sticks! So don't come to me with, 'oh! The wolf blew my house down!' Because you'll be on your own pal!" Then the two pigs separated. "And they wonder why they're still not married!" A snake said as she slithered by, the pigs not even noticing. The End.


	8. The Name Wouldn't Fit

There once was a king who had two daughters and a waiter. One day he called them to his court. "My eldest daughter come here!" he spoke, his voice echoing. The young girl stepped forward. "Yes father?" She said bating her eyelashes. He looked her straight in the eye. "How much do you love me?" He glared down at her. "I love you more than all the riches in the world!" She said with one of those annoying high-pitched voices. "Good girl! Here are the keys to your new limo." He said tossing them to her. "Thanks daddy!" She said running off. "Second daughter!" He bellowed. The little blond girl stepped forward. "Yes sir?" She said afraid to look him in the eye. "How much do you love me?" He said raising his eyebrow. "Thiiiisss big!" She said stretching out her arms. He glared at her. "I mean, thiiiiiiiiiissssss big!" She said stretching her arms wider. He continued glaring. "Ok I need a minute..." she said walking into the kitchen. He shook his head but did not yell at her... yet. "My youngest, waiter!" The waiter stepped forward. "And how much do you love me?!" He shouted. I love you more than... SALT!" The waiter exclaimed. The king frowned deeply then his lip started to quiver and he burst into tears. "I k-knew you d-didn't l-love m-m-me!" He sobbed for a minute. "Ok... SEND HIM TO THE DUNGEON WHERE HE WILL BE SERVED NOTHING BUT SALT! TILL HE DIES!" "No! Wait you don't understand! AHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed as the guards dragged him away. "Second daughter are you ready?!" "Yes!" She rushed in holding a coke bottle... unopened. "Here daddy, I love you as much as a coke." she said thrusting it in his hands. Then she skipped out of the palace before he could say anything. He looked at it frowning but then he cracked it open. "*click* *gulp* ahh... mm, mmm, mmmmmmmm" he started singing and dancing. Then a spokesman came out of nowhere. "And that is a person enjoying a delicious coke at McDonald's." And the king never stopped singing and dancing. So the second daughter took over the kingdom and the first daughter hopped on a motorcycle with her boyfriend never to be seen again. Nobody knows what happened to the waiter. Rumour has it that he was also an evil wizard and that he cast a spell that went wrong so the guards just kept walking, dragging him along stuck in their iron grips. But at least the second daughter is happy and rich. The End.


	9. Three Little Kittens

Well, I decided I might as well mess up some nursery rhymes while I'm at it. So here we go! :)

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Three Little Kittens

Three little kittens jumping on the bed. One fell off and knocked his head. The other two kittens leapt with joy! Because now the would get all of his toys. Now two little kittens were jumping on the bed. Then one went limp and the other thought he was dead! So the last kitten went into hysteria and was sent to a mental health facility. Where he hopes never to be sent to the room lined with mattresses. The End.


End file.
